The Chase

People have a tendency to want something that they cannot have or would have a hard time getting. I guess it’s about the thrill of the chase.

The only reason we still like each other is because we can’t have each other.

Something Different

I wish that for once you’d praise me about the way I look and not because I’m intelligent or I’m good at what I do or I’m nice. I’ve heard praises about my abilities and/or how I treat other people all my life, and sometimes I just want to be told that I’m pretty or I look good. For once, can you tell me something different?

That Nina Song

Do you remember Nina? She's a Filipino singer. She's one of the people who made acoustic music a big thing in the Philippines.

Well, she has this song that keeps on playing on my head whenever I feel that emotion that the song is all about. It's a song about one of the seven deadly sins. That thing it's talking about, it's not my favorite sin, but because of you, lately I've been doing it. 

I don't like that feeling, and I get upset feeling that way. But you know what's more frustrating? Me getting upset and you not doing anything about it. So, I just suck it up and pretend that I don't care.

And the song goes something like this:

Jealous of the one whose arms are around you
If she's keeping you satisfied
Jealous of the one who finally found you
Made your sun and your stars collide 

That Nina song... it's called "Jealous."

Snow

Falling, falling, falling
Forming my uniqueness in this cold

Falling, falling, falling

Melting partially due to inconsistent warmth
Changed by coming together and separating

Falling, falling, falling
Will you allow me to fall to the ground
Or would you catch me on your palm?

Gaia and Luna

Being pulled by your gravity
Perpetually orbiting you
My movement affecting your tides

You only see one side of me
The other, forever hidden
Always borrowing light from a greater source

Will be going on and on in circles
Near each other, but could never touch
You are my Earth, I am your Moon

Vodka

I raise the glass to my lips and allow the transparent liquid go down my throat. It tastes bitter but I guess what I'm feeling is worse. I try to physically distance myself from you because being right beside you would just intensify the pain of the fact that I can't have you.

I drink the vodka that our so-called friends pour into my glass to wash away my pain. They just keep on pouring drinks, oblivious to what's going on between us and what runs through our heads. You drink from your glass as well, but if for the same reason as I have, I don't know.

As the rim of the glass reach my mouth, I try to avoid your eyes. I'd rather concentrate on the warmth that the drink gives me than feel the heat of your gaze.

But glass after glass, my inhibitions are lowered and my judgment is clouded. I just found myself alone with you, away from everyone else. I'm intoxicated by both the alcohol running through my system and the nearness of you. Maybe tonight, I can trick myself and allow me to believe that you're mine even for just one night.

Again, I taste the bitterness of the vodka, but my lips no longer touch the rim of my glass, but touching your lips instead.

Amp

Amphetamines are stimulants. They keep you up at night. They let you have a certain alertness. It increases the levels of norepinephrine, serotonin and dopamine. These hormones are the same ones that messes up your senses when you're in love. And I guess, that's what makes amp addictive, it gives you a feeling of euphoria.

But with every high, there is a downside. When the effects had worn out, you'll feel restless, irritable and depressed. Maybe that's what makes you long for it, so that you get rid of these ill feelings and get back the euphoric state.

As Bella is Edward's own personal brand of heroin, you are my own kind of amphetamine.