Confessions

I know that it's wrong, but it feels so right.
I know what I should do which is right, but it feels so wrong.
I hate what I am feeling right now.
I hate how I got myself trapped in a situation that's spinning out of control.
I hate how it seems to be so easy for you, when it's driving me insane.
I'm such an emotional wreck right now and I don't know how to keep it together.

Sorry Not Sorry

It seems that you have a knack at trying to compete with me, even if you don't outright declare that it is a competition. If jealousy/envy is you favorite deadly sin, please be reminded that mine is pride, hence I wouldn't dare lose. In those moments wherein all seems lost for me, I do pull up some tricks from up my sleeve and score big time.


You make everything a competition. But I am so glad that when it felt like I was going to lose last night, I scored big time! #sorrynotsorry

Words Could Make or Break Me

Words of Affirmation Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important— hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. You thrive on hearing kind and encouraging words that build you up

I had read Gary Chapman's "5 Love Languages." Basically, what it's saying is there are five main love languages: Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, Quality Time and Words of Affirmation. People use these "languages" to express their love for other people. People use a particular language more than another. And the thing is, sometimes even if someone loves you, you think he/she doesn't because you don't "speak" the same "language."

I took the test and found that my primary love language is "words of affirmation." That's no surprise. People always say I have a way with words, and yes, words have a way with me. I really don't care much about grand gestures and "display" of feelings for me, but hearing it means so much to me. I'm really sensitive about the things someone says to me. Verbal and written expressions have more bearing to me.

Here's the thing, I have this longing for appreciation, and I guess the reason why I feel unappreciated or underappreciated is because I don't hear the words that I want to hear. I guess I'm not really the reward kind of person, more of the praises one. Although, I still don't know how to take compliments...

Words could make or break me, and right now I'm not hearing enough of what could make me... or at the very least, make me get through whatever this existence is.

Never The One

And just like Caroline Forbes said, "I try so hard, but I'm never the one."

My loneliness is killing me...

Substitute People

From Little Nuances by Lee Warren:
Who hasn’t felt like a substitute person at some point? While being a substitute person does mean that you had to be close enough to the real thing to earn the title of substitute, it also means that you weren’t quite good enough, or funny enough, or smart enough, or good-looking enough. And the worst thing about it is—you know it, but since being a substitute person is better than not being in the game, you accept the position.

The Chase

People have a tendency to want something that they cannot have or would have a hard time getting. I guess it’s about the thrill of the chase.

The only reason we still like each other is because we can’t have each other.

Something Different

I wish that for once you’d praise me about the way I look and not because I’m intelligent or I’m good at what I do or I’m nice. I’ve heard praises about my abilities and/or how I treat other people all my life, and sometimes I just want to be told that I’m pretty or I look good. For once, can you tell me something different?